Baseball Disaster
by Shorea Tashinnaku
Summary: [Revised] What could tick Alfeegi worse than Lykouleon leaving the Dragon Kingdom? A baseball joke! Dedicated to and Inspired by Kaze-chan and Mouse-chan's fic, 'Who's on First - FY Style'. Warning: This is a really long one-shot story.


A/N: Hello, this is Shorea Tashinnaku. Somehow, this fanfic was published in June 7, 2004, but I've revised and updated it because of my poor grammar. Anyway, just wanted to say that this is my first DK story, so please be gentle with me. And if you had any questions about this fanfic, e-mail me with your e-mail address so I could reply back to you. Thank you and enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Knights or Abbott and Costello's skit. However, I do have the rights to own the right fielder since Abbott and Costello forgot to mention him in their skit.

It was a peaceful day in Dusis. Well, except the fact that the youkais were attacking Draqueen and fairies began to disappear. Anyway, besides that, everything was calm and quiet in the Dragon Kingdom. However, only one room was the complete opposite.

"Argh! I can't take it!"

Sitting in the study room was Alfeegi rubbing his head back and forth, trying to get the frustrations out. On his desk were piles of paper: reports about the fairies' disappearance, reports about the war between youkai and dragon, but mostly bills from Kai-stern's trip. The White Dragon Officer wondered how many times did Ruwalk or the Dragon Lord managed to take the money from under his nose. Somehow, he felt the urge to strangle Kai-stern for spending too much on the bar and drinks. _If Kai-stern makes another excuse to get money, I'll make sure he ended up with the bill_, Alfeegi thought. Just then, there came a knocking on the door.

"Come in," the White Dragon Officer grumbled.

Entering the room was a Fire Dragon Knight. Seeing Rath entered with a cheerful smirk in his face, Alfeegi knew what he was up to. Alfeegi rubbed his temple as he gave Rath a stern look.

"Don't tell me, you broke your sword and you want another one to replace it?"

Rubbing the back of his head, the Fire Dragon Knight gave a mortify laugh. "Uh yeah, I did."

As he spoke those words, Rath held up his broken sword. Alfeegi sweat-dropped while Rath tried to act as if nothing had happened. The next thing he knew, he was facing face to face with Rath, who gave him a sad puppy eyes.

"So, does this mean I can have another sword? Only, I want it stronger than my last sword. Please?" The Fire Dragon Knight pleaded.

What Rath saw before him was veins popping out from Alfeegi's head, knowing what the Chief Secretary was about to say. Alfeegi gave Rath a tedious look, "_Rath_..."

The Fire Dragon Knight sweat-dropped and carefully eased back from the desk as Alfeegi slowly summoned his sword. Once Alfeegi stood up, Rath made a quick dash to the door. Unaware to his surrounding, Rath instantly bumped into a figure before he could make his escape. With the battle cry called, Alfeegi launched his sword to split Rath into two. Luckily, Rath caught the sword in the nick of time. The figure cleared his throat, "Alfeegi?"

"What is it, Ruwalk?" Alfeegi shouted as he struggled to cut Rath. Rath was constantly sweating as he tried to fight back the White Dragon Officer. Ruwalk sweat-dropped.

"Um, it would be better if you put your sword away."

As much as he wanted to kill them, Alfeegi had no choice but to put his sword away. When he went to his desk, he gave a glaring look to Rath, who somehow sweat-dropped. Once the sword was put away, the Chief Secretary sat in his chair and clasped his hands together. Ruwalk took his seat across from Alfeegi. Not wanting to get Alfeegi attacking him again, Rath decided it would be best to sit next to Ruwalk. Alfeegi spoke, "So, what's the situation?"

"Well," Ruwalk cleared his throat. "The Lord wants to inform you that we're going to New York."

"WHAT!" Alfeegi shouted, making the confused Fire Knight hurt his ears. "You know the Lord is not allowed to leave the castle. And don't you dare try to help the Lord or else I-"

"What's New York?"

Both Dragon Officers sweat-dropped at Rath who gave them nothing, but curiosity look. Alfeegi scowled at the Yellow Dragon Officer and replied, "Yes, Ruwalk. What is it?"

"Well, New York is a city in United States-"

"Ridiculous! There's no such thing as United States in the world." Alfeegi interrupted.

"Arinas existed, but it wasn't on the map like Dusis, right?"

Silence came between the two Officers with a curious Dragon Knight before Alfeegi spoke, "Good point, now why would the Lord want us to go there?"

"The Dragon Lord wants us to-"

"He wants us to go demon hunting?" The Red Knight excitedly shouted.

"RATH!" The Chief Secretary shouted as he pushed his chair back to stand. The Fire Knight backed up, moving closer to Ruwalk. The Yellow Dragon Officer sweat-dropped.

"No, Rath. The Lord wants us to become coaches for the baseball team."

"What's that?" Rath questioned as Alfeegi leaned on his desk to understand what it was. Ruwalk took a sheet of paper from Alfeegi's desk with a pen and drew a diamond in it.

"Baseball is a game where you play. The field is in the shape of a diamond with four flat markers called bases." Ruwalk clarified.

"Bases? What do they use for?" Rath asked.

"They're used for us to step on."

"Oh," Exclaimed the half-youkai. Alfeegi snorted.

"That's ridiculous. What's the point of this game if we do nothing, but step on these _bases_?"

"I'll get to that part, Alfeegi. But first, let me explain how baseball is play? Okay, there are two teams. Each team is made up into a group of nine players. Now, one team will be in the field while the other is batting."

"Batting?" The Fire Knight tilted his head.

Ruwalk explained, "Batting is when a person hits a ball with a bat, like this."

The Secretary of State picked up a baseball bat. Rath and Alfeegi moved closer to take a closer look. It looked like a wooden club, but was made taller and slimmer. The Red Knight asked, "Why would you hit the ball with that?"

"Well you see, Rath. The object of this game is to earn points for your team and to earn these points; you have to hit the ball as far as you can."

"Why can't you just throw the damn ball?"

Alfeegi gave a stern look to Ruwalk and said, "Ruwalk, could you pass me the bat? I believe we need to knock some few senses to our dear knight."

Ruwalk sweat-dropped and replied no as he put the baseball bat down. The Yellow Officer continued, "Now to earn points, you stand on the front plate called 'home'. The other team will throw the ball to you and you hit it. Once you've hit the ball, you run to each base starting from right to left and come back home."

"Now why would they run around and ended up in the same spot?" Alfeegi questioned.

"I told you before, you earn points. Once you hit the ball, run around to step on each base, and make it back to home base will give you a point."

Alfeegi sweat-dropped. Somehow, he didn't want to know what the point of playing a meaningless game was. He had some doubt that Rath would be more confused than him. However, it seemed that the Fire Knight was interested and didn't show a hint of confusion in his face.

Ruwalk continued, "Now, remember when I said that you run around to each base once you hit the ball?"

The young half-youkai nodded. "Yeah, I remember."

Alfeegi snorted, "Yes, who could forget?"

"Well once you try to get first base, the team in the field will try to make you out. There are four ways the other team will make you out. The first is if you miss hitting the ball three times, the second is if the outfielder caught the ball, third is if the other team tags you while you try to reach the bases, and last is if the infielder catches the ball and throws it to their team member who's standing on the base before you reach there. So, if your team has three outs, then the other team gets to switch places with your team."

"You mean, if I get three outs, I have to play in the field?"

Alfeegi smacked Rath on the head with the bat. "Idiot, that's what Ruwalk said!"

Ruwalk sweat-dropped and turned his attention on the paper. Quickly, he drew dots on the paper. "Okay when your team is in the field, there are nine positions. In the infield, each of your team members will stand on the bases except home base. Now, in the middle of the diamond will be your pitcher."

"What's a pitcher?" Rath questioned.

"That's the person who throws the ball to the batter."

"Oh."

"Now where was I? Oh, yes. Behind the home base is the catcher. The catcher's job is to catch the ball when the pitcher throws it. Does this make sense?"

Both the Fire Knight and the Chief Secretary nodded. The Yellow Officer continued.

"Good, now we're into the outfield. There will be three people in each field to catch the ball: the right fielder, the left fielder, and the center fielder. And over there will be the short stop."

"And what does this 'short stop' suppose to do?" Alfeegi questioned.

"His job is the team's support since the second baseman is too far. Does this make sense?"

"Yes, continue."

"Thank you, now you know what the team in the field has to do, correct?"

Again, they nodded.

"Perfect. Now before we go to New York, Lord Lykouleon wants us to learn the names of the players we're about to coach."

"And how did we get the names of the players?" Alfeegi questioned.

"Well, you know Kai-stern is the Secretary of Foreign Affairs."

Alfeegi sweat-dropped. _I should have known_, he thought. Rath turned his attention to Ruwalk and asked what the players' names were.

Ruwalk replied, "Okay Rath, we'll start off with the basemen. Who's on first, What is on second, and I Don't Know is on third base."

As Ruwalk looked up, he saw the confusion looks in their faces. Rath and Alfeegi sweat-dropped. They weren't sure how could a person who was intelligent would forget something so simple. Alfeegi cleared his throat.

"Uh Ruwalk, are you sure you know the players' names?"

"Yes, I reread it twice to make sure I won't forget."

"Well, could you repeat it? I didn't hear it clearly."

"Of course Alfeegi, it's Who on first, What is on second, and I Don't Know will be on third."

"Is that what you're telling me, not the other way?"

"What do you mean, Alfeegi?"

"I'm asking you to give me the names of the players."

"But I did give you the names of the players."

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"No, you didn't!"

The White and Yellow Officers argued each other. The Fire Knight turned his attention to each officer back and forth, which gave him a headache afterward. Veins popped out of his head as Alfeegi slammed his hand on the desk. "Enough! This isn't getting us anyway! Let's start it slowly so we can understand correctly. Let's start with the first baseman. Now, who's on first?"

"Correct."

"Correct?"

"Yes, Who's on first."

"The first baseman."

"Who."

"The one's in first base."

"Who."

"IN THE FIRST BASE, DAMMIT!"

"Who is on first!"

"I'VE ALREADY ASKED YOU THAT!"

"I've told you, that's his name."

"Thatz's playing?"

"No, Who is playing first."

"THEN TELL ME!"

"I did."

"THAT'S WHO?"

"Yes!"

Silence came between the officers. Alfeegi gave the Secretary of State a hateful glare. He felt like he wanted to kill Ruwalk badly for irritating him. The White Officer took a deep breath and exhaled before he could speak. "Okay, let get this straight. You know the name of the first baseman, am I correct?"

The Yellow Officer nodded.

"Good, now who's in first?"

"Yes."

"Excuse me?"

"Who's in first."

"The person on first base."

"Who."

"In the first base, Ruwalk."

"Who."

"How did he write his name?"

"That's how he wrote it."

Silence came between the officers. Somehow, it broke off when a giggle was heard. Both officers turned their attentions to the Fire Knight. Rath was having trouble keeping it quiet that he laughed out loud and rolled onto the floor. This ticked the White Officer off. He looked up to the Yellow Officer and gave him the death glare. Ruwalk sweat-dropped as Rath calmed down and took his seat.

"Okay, let's do it again. What's the person name on first base?" Alfeegi sneered. Ruwalk sighed.

"No, What is on second."

"You're not explaining straight."

"Well, maybe you should paid attention more carefully."

"But I'm not asking who's on second."

"No, Who's on first."

"HOW MANY TIMES DID WE GET OVER THIS!"

"I'm not sure, lost count."

"CAN WE PLEASE STICK TO ONE BASE AT THE TIME!"

"We will as long as you don't change the players around."

"WHO'S SAYING I'M CHANGING!" Alfeegi shouted as he summoned his sword. Ruwalk sweat-dropped and waved his hands.

"Okay, no need to lose your temper. We'll go over it again."

"Then what's the name on first base?" Alfeegi sneered. Ruwalk closed his eyes and sighed.

"No, What's on second."

"I'M NOT ASKING WHO'S ON SECOND!"

"No, Who is on first."

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"Oh, he's on third."

"HOW DID WE END UP IN THIRD!"

"You said his name."

"IF I'M SAYING HIS NAME, THEN WHO I SAID IS PLAYING THIRD!"

"Alfeegi, I've already told you. Who's on first."

"WHAT'S THE PERSON'S NAME ON THAT BASE!"

"No, What's on second."

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"He's on third base."

"THERE YOU GO AGAIN; WE'RE BACK IN THIRD BASE!"

Once again, the White Officer gave a death glare to the Yellow Officer while Rath was laughing his ass off. So humorous, the Fire Knight cried and banged the desk with his fist. When Alfeegi locked his eyes on Rath, the half-youkai immediately stopped and turned his attention to the paper Ruwalk drew, sweat-dropped. Alfeegi asked, "Okay Ruwalk. I'm going to say this once, _who's playing third_?"

Ruwalk shook his head and replied, "Alfeegi, why do you insist on putting Who in third base?"

"Now what the hell am I putting on third!"

"Again, What is on second."

"YOU DON'T WANT WHO ON SECOND!"

"No, Who's on first."

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"Third base!" The trio shouted in unison. Both officers looked at each other while the Knight carefully watched as a little kid. Alfeegi clenched and unclenched his fist, taking deep breath to calm himself down. He looked at the paper and said, "Okay, we'll get back to the basemen later. I believe you have players in the outfield."

"That's right. There are three players in the outfield."

"The left fielder, right fielder, and the center fielder?"

"Yes."

"Okay. So, what's the left fielder's name?"

"Why."

"You said we need to know the players' names."

"And we are learning the players' names."

"Then who's playing the left field?"

"No, Who's playing on first base."

"HOW THE HELL DID WE CAME TO FIRST BASE!"

"You asked his name."

"... Okay. What's the _name_ of the player in _left field_?"

"...Again, What is on second."

"I'M NOT ASKING WHO'S ON SECOND!"

"And once again, Who is on first."

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"Third base!" Both officers yelled.

Silence roamed the room as Rath tried to stop snickering. Alfeegi placed his sword upon the Fire Knight's throat; questioning him did he want to die so badly. Rath sweat-dropped and shook his head. Although Rath wanted to die so badly, he did not want to die because he was laughing of what was before him. The Chief Secretary turned his attention to Ruwalk and said, "The left fielder's name?"

"Why."

"Because!"

"Oh, he's playing center field."

"... Never mind. Tell me the right fielder's name."

"Where."

"The person in the right field."

"Where."

"In the right field!"

"Where."

"THE ONE WHO'S PLAYING RIGHT FIELD!"

"No, Who is on first."

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"Third base, Alfeegi."

"... Okay, you have the pitcher in the team. Could you tell me his name?"

"Tomorrow."

"Excuse me?"

"Tomorrow."

"And why won't you tell me today?"

"I am telling you today."

"Then tell me."

"Tomorrow."

"Argh! IF YOU WON'T TELL ME TODAY, THEN WHAT TIME WOULD YOU WANT TO TELL ME!"

"What do you mean, 'what time'?"

"Well, you won't tell me who's pitching."

"Listen, it's Who on first."

"WILL YOU QUIT SAYING WHO'S ON FIRST!"

"I will if you quit putting Who on every positions of the team."

"I DON'T CARE WHAT POSITIONS HE'S PLAYING!"

"And I'm telling you What's on second."

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"Third base!" Rath cried.

Both officers sweat-dropped at the cheerful Fire Knight, not sure what the Fire Knight was talking about. Ruwalk sighed as Alfeegi took another deep breath. The White Officer began to count to ten, trying to unleash his frustrations. Once he got to ten, Alfeegi spoke, "Okay, I remember you said there's a catcher in the team. Would you tell me his name?"

"Today."

"Yes, today. Now tell me the name of the catcher."

"Today."

"Yes, today and tomorrow's pitching."

"Now, you're understood."

"... Okay, so we got the catcher?"

"Yes."

"My guess will be he catches the ball if the batter can't hit it."

"Once again, you're correct."

"So the catcher is ready to catch and the batter, who hits it, gets a turn, right?"

"Yes."

"And the catcher needs to catch the ball to get the batter out?"

"Correct."

"So the catcher gets the ball and throws it to who?"

"That's right. Now, you got it."

"I had no idea what you're talking about, Ruwalk."

"... Well, that's what the catcher's job is."

"And his job was to throw it to the first baseman."

"Yes."

"Now who's got it?"

"Naturally."

Alfeegi sweat-dropped with a confusing face. _This isn't helping me out_, he thought it.

"Okay, if the guy throws it to first, hopefully someone's going to get it. So, who's got it?"

"Naturally."

"Who?"

"Naturally."

"Naturally?"

"Naturally."

"So the catcher grabs it and throws it to Naturally."

"No, Alfeegi. The catcher throws the ball to Who."

"Naturally."

"Alfeegi, that's different."

"But that's what I said."

"No, you're not saying it-"

"The catcher throws the damn ball to Naturally."

"No! He throws it to Who."

"Naturally."

"Correct."

"That's what I just said!"

"No, you ask me."

"He throws the ball to who?"

"Naturally."

"Your turn, Ruwalk."

"He throws the ball to Who."

"Naturally."

"Correct. Rath, is the catcher's job is to throw the ball to Who?"

"Yes, Naturally."

"See, even Rath understands the players' names." Ruwalk spoke to Alfeegi. The Chief Secretary nodded.

"Yes I quite agree, Ruwalk. The catcher throws the damn ball to Who. Whoever the hell drops the ball, the batter runs to the second baseman. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, which would make it three out. Another batter gets up and hits it to Where. Because. Why? I DON'T KNOW! HE'S ON THIRD BASE AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!"

"Excuse me, what did you say Alfeegi?" Ruwalk asked.

"I SAID I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!"

"Oh, he's the shortstop."

"AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!" Alfeegi screamed as he got out of his chair and pulled his hairs. The Yellow Officer and the Fire Knight looked at the Chief Secretary, sweat-dropped. Alfeegi turned around with death killing glare in his eyes.

"Ruwalk, may I ask you a question?"

"Uh... Yes, you may."

"WHAT...IS...THE ...NAMES...OF...THE ...PLAYERS? IN FACT, WHAT THE HELL IS BASEBALL! WHAT YOU'RE SAYING DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! I DON'T GET IT; I DON'T THINK YOU GET IT! HELL, EVEN RATH DOESN'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!"

"Oh, sure I do Alfeegi. Baseball is a game where eighteen players try to earn points by hitting the ball and try to get to home base as fast as you can. Each team has nine players in it and they each have the positions in the field. Right now, we have to coach the teams in order to win in New York and the players have their own positions so we won't need to worry about what positions they're playing. Who is the first baseman. What is the second baseman. I Don't Know is the third baseman. Why is the left fielder. Because is the center fielder. Where is the right fielder. Tomorrow is the pitcher. Today is the catcher. And I Don't Give A Damn is the shortstop."

Alfeegi sweat-dropped at Rath, but it made Ruwalk smirked. The Yellow Officer turned his attention to the White Officer and said, "See, I told you even Rath understands."

"Really? So Alfeegi, does this mean I get a new stronger sword?" The Red Fire Knight replied.

However, what Rath saw before him was a very angry Chief Secretary who let out a huge battle aura. Veins were popping everywhere on Alfeegi's head. He clutched his sword very tightly, ready to kill Ruwalk and Rath. This made them felt uncomfortable as they sweat-dropped at the White Officer. Unwanted to get kill, the Yellow Officer and the Fire Knight made a quick dash out the door, followed by an angry Alfeegi.

"_RATH_! _RUWALK_! GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!"


End file.
